Vivek’s Stuff

FW's, random, funny and silly stuff in one place..

Mr. Farmer John vs. Mrs. Farmer John...

A farmer walks into an attorneys office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asks, May I help you? 

The farmer says, Yeah. I want to get one of those dee-vorces. 

The attorney asks, Well, do you have any grounds? 

The farmer replies, Yeah. I got about 140 acres. 

The attorney says, No, you dont understand. Do you have a case? 

The farmer says, No, I dont have a Case, but I have a John Deere. 

The attorney says, No you dont understand, I mean do you have a grudge? 

The farmer says, Yeah, I got a grudge. Thats where I park my John Deere. 

The attorney says, No, sir, I mean do you have a suit? 

The farmer says, Yessir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays. 

The exasperated attorney says, Well, sir, does your wife beat you up or anything? 

The farmer says, No, sir, we both get up about 4:30. 

Finally, the attorney asks, Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE? 

And the farmer replies, Well, I cain't never have a meaningful conversation with her!

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Hear No Evil, See No Evil...

On a really hot day, four nuns were assigned to paint a room in their church. After sweating for a few hours in those black robes, they decided to lock the door of the church, take off all their clothes and paint naked. 

An hour later, someone knocked on the door of the church. 

"Who is it?" they called out. 

"I'm the blind man," came the reply. 

The nuns decided to let him in since he wouldn't be able to see them. 

They opened the door and led him to the room they were painting.

They were surprised when he walked around the room with no difficulty. 

"Okay, sisters," he said, "where do you want the blinds?"

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Marvin The Philosopher


 

 

 

 

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The Ant and the Lion

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Lulu in heat

A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?' 
Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat.' 
'What does that mean?' asked the child. 
'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.' 
The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to c! ome ask you.' 
He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.' 
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.. 
Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?' 

You'll love this!

The little girl said, 'She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'

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Birth of a Candy Bar


 
 

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Creativity...

                           
Click here to download:
Creativity....zip (261 KB)

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Priceless..

A guy is lying in his hospital bed, wired up with drips and monitors, breathing with the aid of an oxygen mask. A young lady comes round the ward with the tea and newspaper trolley. Approaching him she asks if there is anything she can do for him. The guy looks at her and asks “Are my testicles black?”

“I’m sorry but I’m not medical staff, I can’t help you with that” she replies.

“Oh, please have a look for me, I’m really worried; Are my testicles black?”

Taking pity on his obvious distress the girl glances around the ward and, seeing there are no medical staff around, says “Alright, I’ll have a look for you”. She pulls back the bedcover, lifts his dick out of the way and, cupping his balls in her hand tells him, with a note of relief in her voice, “No, they look fine to me”.

The patient pulls off his oxygen mask and says “I said, Are my test results back?”

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Why I Got Expelled From School

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Open your bank account here..

               

If you don't get it.. here is what Chutiya means.

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