Men are just happier people. What do you expect from such simple creatures?

• Your last name stays put. 
• The garage is all yours. 
• Wedding plans take care of themselves. 
• Chocolate is just another snack. 
• You can be President. 
• You can never be pregnant. 
• You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. 
• You can wear NO shirt to a water park. 
• Car mechanics tell you the truth. 
• The world is your urinal. 
• You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. 
• You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 
• Same work, more pay. 
• Wrinkles add character. 
• Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental - $100. 
• People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. 
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 
• You know stuff about tanks. 
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. 
• You can open all your own jars. 
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 
• If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. 
• Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. 
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 
• You almost never have strap problems in public. 
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. 
• Everything on your face stays its original color. 
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. 
• You only have to shave your face and neck. 
• You can play with toys all your life. 
• One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. 
• You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. 
• You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. 
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. 
• You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.